The One Where I Talk About Whatever

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I wish this one had a wittier title; however, I won't be talking about anything too out of place on this journal. So here we are.

(Lowkey broke my promise of writing one entry a month because of summer class but it's fine)

Disclaimer: pretty much all opinion and observations

I answered an ask recently asking for me to talk about something I was "passionate about but haven't spoken about in a while." I decided to respond with some rambling about characterization in fic, especially in RPF fandom, and how the RPF fandoms I am in predominantly have people of color in them. And also wondering about what lines people draw when it comes to subjects of fic being shitty irl.

So yeah... I think I was pretty vague in the ask, but people probably figured what I was alluding to. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's my place to talk about noticing trends in fandom that could be rooted in stuff like colorism, but it's there. Not really addressing anyone in particular, but everyone (me included) is influenced by the media that they view, and probably subconsciously will absorb some ideas rooted in racism/colorism during the process. I did say in my post about Calvin Johnson being a fridge wife that I had thoughts about colorism in fandom, but then didn't elaborate on it. Mostly because the fandoms I'm in are small so I dunno if people would see said statements and instantly feel attacked.

The thing with colorism is that in sports fandom specifically, it's kind of hard sometimes to be like "oh this is colorism" or "oh this is actually just because x player is a good player" when it's really more like "both things can be true." I guess it's easier to compare two players of similar caliber and success but different appearances to conclude if it's the work of colorism. Because people will also claim it's because of media attention, and that probably also subconsciously is the work of colorism so. Yeah. I think it's a bit of a feedback loop, like if the sports media promotes some players over others then fan spaces are likely to be posting more about the popular player. And if said popular is attractive, then subconsciously the color of their skin may be seen as an attractive feature. I might be getting the logic a bit twisted, but you (I say this like anybody will read this) get the gist of it.

In my humble opinion I think the Warriors did kind of benefit from this because both Steph Curry and Klay Thompson were paler-skinned and conventionally attractive... and also because NBA casuals liked watching them splash 3-pointers over defense. I mean Klay played defense. But I do think Draymond was kind of the third wheel despite being pretty important bc he was not a big scorer and also darker-skinned/not as conventionally attractive/had reputation for being a dirty player. Which like. I don't like Draymond lol. But you'd think him being around those two for that long someone would ship him with them idk (I'm not doing it lol). Some of this is kind of because Draymond brings it upon himself (punching Jordan Poole, who I do feel was a big beneficiary of playing under the Warriors and being young and cute and lightskin but WHATEVER. Like yeah one can make this into "EVIL dark skin man BEATS up innocent lightskin" but idk Jordan was an annoying twink to me. But also it was unprovoked and Jordan got traded to the Wizards while Draymond got an extension so who really got the short end of the stick) (oh shit this led to me hating on the Warriors lemme delete this so their fans don't attack me OOPS)

I feel like this could kind of lead into another point about how a lot of players are called "dirty" and some of them are pretty dark-skinned which has some pretty bad applications... but also I could be overthinking it because a lot of players are called that. But yeah.

Was gonna say "now this is where I get controversial" but uhh previous paragraph is probably already controversial (ducks like Jayson Tatum in that one press conference video) so I'm just digging my grave even further. Guys... I think some people write the lighter-skinned character as the submissive one in the relationship... (half of the things written here need to be read with sarcasm unfortunately). But yeah uhh perpetuation of stereotype I think! Like I am pro- people writing whatever they want in fiction but also pro- hey guys we are writing about real people and also I'm in a fandom where the subjects are predominantly people of color can we be mindful and not perpetuate harmful stereotypes? Because yes, said subjects will most likely not read fic. But fans of fic probably will and be alienated from a space that is supposed to be fun for them, especially if they are POC. So yeah. There's my spiel.

I guess if I must be more specific I think people can characterize subjects how they want but also probably be aware of like, is this leaning into something more insidious. Like not to single out PWP but I think in general a lot of porn tends to flatten out subjects and reduce them into. Well. Sexual stereotypes. The darker-skinned one being more aggressive and dominant, which is a pretty big stereotype in porn and has IRL ramifications, unfortunately. I want to say it's a consequence of some people not being good at writing sex scenes and then kind of relying on those ideas to write but honestly... I don't know. I'm not super well-versed in that area. Like people probably don't have deep intent when writing that kind of thing (get rocks off, writing for fun), but at some point intent kind of doesn't matter. (Am I being dramatic by saying people are being harmed by PWP that not a lot of people read... maybe. I think the flattening of characterization in sex is kind of a porn-perpetuated thing and happens in other media, at the risk of sounding insane. Perhaps I am speaking out of my ass.)

"Are you seriously complaining about PWP not having characterization" I GUESS??? I'm not great at wording it but like it's in a way that's kind of uncomfortable. Like yeah I guess people can enjoy it... I'm not good with debating the ethics of written porn.

This feels very preachy and I apologize for the tone. Especially when there's like an average of 20 people in the fandoms that I'm in and I feel like I wrote myself into a hole with this one. I suppose we can move onto the less controversial topic of me feeling like I am WASHED as a writer and being unable to complete any of my works.

In all fairness to me, I think I place my expectation levels too high. It's okay for me to not post every single week and write 2,000 words a day. But sometimes I do feel like I should be doing more than I am. Had more to say about my own writing, but I think that time will come when I next edit this entry. 

 Edit: okay I think my problem is having perfectionist tendencies. I have... too many works in progress and I am overly ambitious so that leads to inactivity. At some point I get over it and post but. Yeah. Am I "washed"? Probably not. Maybe some time away from thinking about writing will help the creative juices flow. I dunno.